Misconceptions about Eights, Nines, and Ones

I have always wanted to write a series of blogs that helps to dispel some of the common misconceptions or stereotypes about the various types. I will probably intersperse these with my other more detailed blogs about specific people.


EIGHT

Positivity and Congeniality
The Eight is often painted as being a rugged, hardened, and a cynical wheeler dealer-survivalist that has little need for such pretenses such as positivity or congeniality. I have come across Eights (of both wings) who have a need to express the positivity of a situation as I think it lets them off the hook in terms of having to solve or "do something" about a particular situation or problem. It can, on the surface, look like Nine, but the unexpressed sentiment is that "things better be okay or I'm going to have to take over". So with this I think the Eight wants for things to work out and be "fine" so that they don't have to always step up and take the reigns. While there is a desire to protect others this position can often be tiring and they often want a rest. I have met a few Eights who expressed not wanting to watch depressing films or listen to depressing music. I think this might be due to the fact that the Eight does not necessarily want to experience vulnerable emotions. Sadness as expressed through art is a sort of back door for the Eight to sensually experience the sadness or depressing content that is lurking around the corner. What differentiates this sort of false positivity from that of the Nine or Seven is that there is a fundamental cynicism just underneath the surface of the "it'll be alright" front. Underneath the positive spin lies the fixated belief that the world is no good and cut throat. Some Eights (particularly the social subtype) will sort of compact their energy in an effort to keep the anger or rage at bay as they learned that it keeps too many people away. So with that there can be a cultivation of optimistic congeniality or at least a somewhat fake restraint that attempts to keep their penetrating and bold energy from overpowering those around them. While tritype and instinctual stack will greatly influence how much positivity or brightness an 8 will need, it is not necessarily so that the Eight needs complete realism at all times. Nine wingers are particularly prone to needing "happy endings" or a bit of sugar with the coffee as anything else will force the reactive Eight energy to spring into action, which the Nine wing wants to temper to avoid being too agitated.

This is not to suggest that Eights don't experience genuine positivity. With the joyfulness of Seven and the connectedness at Nine the Eight has access to plenty of genuine positivity in addition to the healthy Eights own recognition of the bounty that life has to offer. Nonetheless, many Eights seem to feel a sense that it is their responsibility to take care of those in their sphere and can doubt the ability of others to fully take care of business if they are stuck in the trap of their ego fixations.

Willingness to Fight
Enneagram literature suggests that the Eight is always up for a fight. However, many Eights will dread the impending argument as they are aware how difficult it is to restrain their energy. Some Eights will try harder than others to keep their energy contained (particularly 9 wingers, or those who are sexual last) but if they have done some self work than they are aware that the force of their reaction often alienates others and perpetuates the belief of their bully like persona (a label many Eights find hurtful). A lot of Eights can walk away from an argument, especially from those they believe will tap their resources too much. They are often quite strategic about whom they will engage and will only take on a battle if they know they can win. All other conflicts will be dismissed and "not worth it" creating a more common tendency toward arrogant dismissal or indifference toward the person expressing the grievance.  With that said, some Eights will challenge others in order to assert independence and dominance but this is often a way to stir their own powerful energy and periodically test their own prowess, it's like making sure you still "have it" and more importantly that those close to you can handle "it". I've spoken to a couple of Eights who expressed that holding their energy back can be incredibly painful during a conflict and that to release that energy feels like an immense catharsis. However, the aftermath often causes more emotional damage they are willing to clean up. Therefore, dismissal or retreat is often done as a way to prevent having to say sorry or deal with the vulnerable experience of having to admit wrongness in an argument or conflict. In addition there seem to be certain types that are difficult for Eights to argue with, primarily those who use a more mental approach to argument (this could be said of those with Eight in the tritype as well) as the Eight works off of instinctive energy that expresses anger spontaneously whereas some types (like 5s, 6s or 7s) who will prefer to run logical circles around the Eights arguments (which will often exacerbate the Eights anger into a blustery blow up).

Female Eights and Appropriate Anger
In the fall I began pilot studies on the experience of female assertive types which yielded some interesting data in the way of how the female Eight experiences her anger and assertiveness. There seems to be more of a trash compactor quality with female Eights in which the blustery energy described in most Enneagram books is concealed due to a tendency toward socially acceptable expression of anger. As a result Eight women might also feel a more pronounced sense of misunderstanding and isolation in western society in which women are supposed to behave in more traditionally maternal and submissive ways. However, with that said many Eight women develop a more obvious connection to Two; in which playing the protective mother hen is often easier than tolerating the social isolation of being too masculine. Paradoxically most of the Eight women I talk to didn't feel particularly "feminine" as it is conceived of by society, and thus developed their own sense of femininity that includes protectiveness, self sufficiency, and the ability to garner resources.

Many female Eights may also be able to display vulnerability a bit easier because these traits are more acceptable for women in Western culture. To what extent the Eight acts out more traditional feminine traits there is still a sense of their being rough edges, or at least a subversive, in your face, femininity that penetrates the veil of appropriateness sometimes in subtle ways. The added bravado of testosterone in men seems to support the typing of male Eights more thus making the type more masculine in nature, finding and redefining the fiery gut energy in the female Eight takes a bit of fine tuning to the traditional notion of strength.  In fact, it is the experience of being compared to men or subjugated by men that the female Eight develops more Eight characteristics.  It is this development in opposition to the Hegemonic society that gives them the unfair and misogynistic label of "bitch". Whatever the case, recognizing how the female Eight expresses her personality fixation and the particular dilemmas of transcending that fixation in relation to the social world is important for Enneagram writers to address as they (female Eights) are largely underrepresented in literature.

I should add that the experience of Eight energy by women has likely changed drastically in the past 20-30 years. Younger female Eights may feel a greater sense of freedom to express the full bravado of their expansive energy. This is not to suggest that Eights (no matter what era they grew up in) don't still express their energy but depending upon the familial or cultural messages received expression may be slightly constricted.


NINE

Diva Behavior and Acting Out
The Nine is often portrayed as being nice, easy going, aggreable and generally a "good kid" (of course this is exacerbated by a 1 wing) but portraits of Nines seem to leave out the "princess/prince Nine" that can be seen in some subtype and tritype combination (typically social subtype and those with 2, 7 or 4 in the tritype). With the Prince/Princess Nine we see a Nine who has narcissistic bought into their own inherent egolessness and has developed a subsequent Ego about it. Or we can get a Nine who has been catered to throughout their life (typically by the parents) and has come to fill that role by being a bit more demanding, moody, and generally diva like than most Nines. This Nine may pout or be more vocal about complaints or disagreements because they have taken on an almost Two like position in the family system in which they were often rewarded for little else than their presence. However, underneath the diva like behavior one can see that their sense of self is not so stable and they don't entirely believe in the role they are playing. These Nines often have a more developed line to 3 in that they have learned well how to occupy a role in order to have a place in the family. Some Nines may even act out in the adolescent years (doing drugs, skipping school, etc) as a way to either garner attention from a family who has overlooked them or due to a permissive lassiez-faire discipline style in the household. I watch a show Worlds Strictest Parents sometimes which is a crudely constructed pseudo-reality show about ill-mannered kids in which they throw these "bad kids" into some tough, discipline heavy household (usually ruled by 1, 2, or 6 parents) in which they are expected to "clean up their act". I am always a little amused by the Nine children on the show (and there have been quite a few) who seem to have lost direction, or hope in their development and therefore act out to subconsciously receive some kind of intervention and get some kind of direction and encouragement from parents who have often underestimated their child's potential. These children often make miraculous recoveries and are quite easy to get along with. Even when they act out it seems to be a very passive or stubborn unwillingness to do much of anything. If the surrogate parents can activate their will than the kids seem to do fairly well from that point on.

With 2 in the tritype and with a self preservation variant one can get a "me first" oriented Nine in which they can act like frustrated divas who sort of quietly expect to have their needs taken care of. However, unlike 2s they will be less likely to pipe up if they are not satisfied and may take that kind of lack of attention as confirmation that they don't matter much. Of course some of them may throw fits and act out but their is an underlying assumption (probably a result of a dependent personality style) that they are to be taken care of, and a disappointment and anger when they are not, which can create a moody overlay to the normally placid and even-keeled Nine.

Argumentativeness and Skepticism
These are often traits reserved for Sixes but many Nines exhibit these tendencies quite openly. There is a tendency within Nine to placate or sublimate one's own opinions in the service of being agreeable. However, I have come across quite a few Nines who will revel in the opportunity to argue or disagree with others. To me there seems to be a desire to create a separateness due to the realization that merging has caused a dissolution of boundaries. As a result the Nine will begin to take oppositional positions in order to test out their assertiveness and boundaries and let others know that they are a separate person.  It's a bit like buildings walls around oneself made out of some sort of plush material. It rarely has the bite or impenetrableness that other types can have when being disagreeable (6s, 4s, 8s, etc) because there is a sense of being able to penetrate it quite easily. However, to the extent that the Nine feels the need to assert themselves due to a loss of boundaries with others, the wall will be harder and less penetrable, some Nines can dig in their heels and feel completely immovable. Indeed with 6 or even 5 in the tritype there is often a contrariness that accompanies this particular type of Nine that can be helpful in seeing the other side of an issue or fleshing out all aspects of a particular subject. Often these Nines will see themselves as intellectual and may even enjoy debating. I know at least three Nines who were on speech/debate teams and enjoyed the feeling of debating in that kind of forum because there are clear boundaries and rules for discussion. I have a relative who is a 9w1 who has even reported starting conflicts, seeing them as interesting (a manifestation of the trickster archetype typical with many Nines). However, once the conflict escalates he states he becomes agitated, restless, and nervous not wanting tempers to get to flared.
Many 9s will also harbor a fair amount of skepticism,  I've seen this primarily with 9s who favor the thinking function- xNTx, or xSTx in which logic, reason and rationality are highly valued (typically accompanying a 1 wing, and particularly common with those with social/self preservation or self preservation/social subtype stackings). There is a desire to be metered and tempered and a recognition of their own tendency to be influenced by their environment thus develeoping skepticism in order to temper the merging tendency. Again, I imagine that skepticism is enhanced by 5 or 6 in the tritype as well as a prominent 1 wing.

Darkness and Brooding
Another prevalent misconception about Nines is the notion that they present as positive or at least congenial most all of the time. However, I have encountered many Nines who have very little trouble expressing the dark sides of their personality in more open forums. Granted the sexual subtype might be more apt to display this kind of brooding nature (as well as the presence of 4 and/or 5 in the tritype). I think that darkness in the Nine is most often expressed by way of a sort of angry hopelessness that can be prevalent as a sort of dismissive attitude about their ability (or other people's ability) to get anything productive done in the world. In addition I think there are a considerable amount of Nines that express a sadness over lost love or unrequited love that can look similar to Four. However, I have noticed that when this happens with Nines it tends to have more of a devoted or dependent coloration as opposed to the more angry or vindictive unrequited love of the Four; so, in other words as opposed to "I hate you because I love you so much" (4) you might hear, "I will love you no matter what, always..." (9). The Nines masochism seems to create a sort of slave to enmeshment that is subtley different than the hatred toward the love object that Fours will often communicate. This can be seen most obviously through music or artistic expression.


ONE

Perfectionism and Procrastination
Ones are the perfectionistic, idealistic, and practical type of the Enneagram. However there are a few things that can be somewhat misleading when trying to understand the type structure of a One. Ones are indeed perfectionistic but one manifestation of perfectionism is the tendency to hesitate or procrastinate because of high, impossible standards. I have come across a couple of Ones who struggle with perfectionism but are so distressed at the need to produce something of perfection that they procrastinate and end up doing less than they might envision. Literature would have one believe that the One is constantly being proactive and carrying out their standard of perfection in all endeavors. However,  some Ones may find that they do not initiate projects due to perfectionism and a sort of sorrow about the tendency for things (including their own work and projects) to fall uncomfortably short. So while many One's do find themselves in the midst of fine tuning the details of a project or task many Ones also find themselves procrastinating for fear of not living up to their internal standards of perfection or goodness. In many ways this can mimic Four and I would venture to guess that many Ones with this particular dilemma have either Four and/or Six in the tritype which exacerbates the tendency toward procrastination. 1w9 would also be more likely to exhibit this kind of tendency toward procrastination as the 9 wing brings a sort of sloth about project initiation. Preferring to speculate about a project, or plan a project rather than actually begin the business of beginning a particular task or endeavor. It's important for Ones to remember that nothing is put forth in the word in total perfection and without the output of imperfect or flawed material the universe would be incredibly boring and mundane. So in working with procrastination in reference to perfectionism seeing the inherent beauty in the flawed nature of all things will help unravel the tightness around the need to create something of impossible purity or perfection.


Melancholy, Sadness, and Intuition
I have seen melancholy displayed quite evidently in many Ones and it seems to be directly connected to their line to Type Four. However, with the One, there seems to be an uncomfortable and undesirable relationship to the sadness or melancholy and an paradoxical desire for it to be perceived by others. I have known a few Ones who will openly wear this sadness across their energetic signature or micro-expressions. Some One's may even decide to verbalize these sad feelings, however it seems actual direct access to that emotional content is restrained by the rigidity at Point One. Many such Ones may mistype as Fours if they find the Enneagram during a period of sadness or depression. The expression of these emotions is most likely correlated to the tritype and/or instinctual subtype. Sadness (especially over love relationships, or thwarted idealism) will be amplified and played out more dramatically with the sexual subtype, also with Four in the tritype one might get a sense of a more overtly melancholy One with the strange admixture of an intellectual detachment which can look at bit like 5w4 or 4w5. Ones however are still uncomfortable with the direct emotional content and will thus manifest sadness and melancholy through somatic responses as direct emotional processing seems a bit too messy and untidy; headaches, shoulder/neck tension, fatigue, etc.

The Ones experience of intuition is often interesting to watch as many Ones try to temper the presence of intuitive information with a stark rationality that can desire to cancel out the intuitive insight. Many Ones are very intuitive but there can be a sort of galvanizing against the intuitive impression, as Tom Condon suggests it could be a way to orient against their line to Four which they see as unproductive. I believe the medium/psychic Allison DuBois (the woman the show Medium is based on) is a 1w2 and fought many years against the impressions of her powerful psychic intuition. Not only because it was seen as unacceptable but because it was fearful to receive such powerful information from a source that seemed irrational or untempered by her usual gut energy.

Appropriateness and Anger
While most Ones do feel the need to express emotions appropriately and within moderation I have seen plenty of One's express anger in an overt and unrestrained manner. Some Ones are actually quite adept at yelling, screaming, and barking at people that can look a lot like Eight when angry. I think the difference seems to be the content of the anger and the catalyst for its expression. There is a righteousness in the anger rather than an unfettered rage (that you get with 8). It's almost as though the One suddenly realizes the amount at which they have been holding back and becomes indignant at the restriction. I have been around Ones when they let appropriate fall by the wayside and connect to 7 (or 4) and seem to allow outrageousness to seep out. There can be a tendency toward speaking loudly, cursing, or using crude anecdotes, jokes or analogies to make their point. There seems to be a joy in this kind of expression for the One as it is like loosening the proverbial belt buckle and allowing the good child to play naughty for a bit. Some Ones seem to connect to this energy more easily (sexual subtypes, or Ones with 4, 7 or sometimes counterphobic 6 in the tritpye). There can be a desire to shock (especially with 7 in the tritype) however there might be a subsequent shame at the desire to do this. So with that, many Ones may only act it out when on vacation (incidentally the vacation One is a sight to see as they seem to turn into 7s when away from home, as a One I know put it "that's when I can just let it all out, it's okay to be "too much" when on vacation, but when I step off the plane to come back home, it's business as usual."
In addition to this there has also been a tendency to portray the One in a manner that seems conservative (both ideologically and politically in many cases). While this may be the case for some, there are an equal amount of intensely liberal Ones who guard their liberalism with the same zeal as their oft written about conservative counterparts. While there has been some mention of "new age" Ones this seems to be more likely with expansiveness of 7, and/or  the idiosyncratic nature of 4 in the tritype. Regardless, there is a tendency toward ideology which can sometimes manifest as fanaticism (when unhealthy). So, if a One has taken to believe in the legalization of all illegal substances they may become quite ardent and zealous about it. I think it's important to stress that while One can seem conservative energetically that they can be very liberally permissive. It is the zeal and conviction with which their ideals are upheld that makes a One and not the nature of their political, religious, or ideological positions.
The notion of the rule oriented One is important to clarify because it is not that they are so bound to following the rule book but rather adhering to an internal sense of what is right. So, Ones are not so concerned with what the rules say but rather if the rules align with their inner sense of ethics. I've known a couple of Ones who have no reason being a bit rebellious if it means not compromising their own ethical standards. Thus, what is appropriate is defined by the One and not necessarily the cultural milieu (except for the Social One who is more likely to follow a code of societal ethics depending upon their particular cultural identification).




I'll be writing about misconceptions of head types next.